35mm HiGhLiGhT rEeL

Recently a RJ hunt was organised in my organisation for an in-house Radio Channel. The participants who got selected in the last leg of this talent hunt were asked to be the judges for this round. No wonder they had their own versions of expert opinion as though it was a real time RJ hunt for the most popular radio station across the country. Anyways, they asked us to speak on World Environment Day for just a minute and we had to stuff our sweet introduction into it too. How could someone make fun out of such a serious issue and wrap it up withing a minute. Halloooo !!! We aint professionals, one shouldnt be expecting so much creativity from a technically geek industry. Give us some concession. I erased the time limit off my head and came up with my version which would stretch across the room from one end to another. Here it goes:

[Start]Wake up!!! Wake Up Guys!!! Its just been an hour and a half since post lunch session; you should have been done with your afternoon nap too by now. Anyways, now that I have your eyeballs and earlobes glued to me, let me introduced myself. My natural name for the day is Siddhant, suffixed with a pathetic and stale nickname as punch line “The Nature Boy”, but it does hold significance today for we celebrate this special day as World Environment Day.

The moment I read that I was required to present a small session filled with a lot of “HAHAHA”… humor on an important and serious issue like “World Environment Day”, the first thing that stuck my mind was, whoever came up with this idea definitely had a pathetic appraisal this year. He needs to make a shift or avail the stress management sessions being organized at Capgemini.

I dint have too much time on hand and the big bunch of bushy hair on my head were blocking the free flow of creative thoughts. So the moment I left from office, I rushed to my regular saloon close my home. I told my barber DJ Akeel, now .. m not kidding … his name is actually DJ Akeel and DJ are his initials and don’t stand for Disc Jockey. So I told him “Akeel Bhai … Bahut garam ho rahela hai … uda do inko”. He got really excited as he would get to experiment something new today and asked “Kaunsa Karoon dost, Tashan ka Akshay ya Gajhni ka Amir?” I said “Jo Tumhe theek lagta hai kar do”. Hence he began his work with lot of excitement.

I dunno what came into my mind and I asked him “Akeel bhai, Vishwa Pariyawaran Diwas sunkar aapke dimaag mein kya khayal aata hai”. Even before I could complete the second half of the question he interrupted me “Ek minute sir, mein abhi aaya”. He dropped the machine on the deck and rushed out of the shop. I looked around to the other barbers and they were busy in their work. I was trying to figure out, what did I say to make him rush out of the shop.

I pushed my chair back to see where he went. He crossed the road hastily. The moment he reached the other side, he nailed his feet wide apart next to a shady tree and without looking around, he unzipped his trousers. The next thing I saw was a stream of gratitude flowing between his legs as a tribute to mother nature, quenching the thirst of the already dead tree. I could eventually gauge his feeling of content and relaxation from the body language as he jerked off the last few drops and came rushing back to the saloon.

He entered inside and smiled “Kya karoon, control nahi ho raha tha”. I am so glad that he had the courtesy to wash his hands before he rubbed it on my head. I kept glaring at him in amusement to his sudden reaction. He picked up his machine to get back on the job and said “Haan Sir, ab boliye, aap kya pooch rahe they”. I just took a deep breath and nodded “Kuch nahi Akeel Bhai”.[End]

And the judges said "The content aint too interesting", "Go in more depth about your introduction which would help us understand what kind of a person are you", "You have a nice voice, try to cut this into a minute" .... Damm .... its like asking Goliath to cover himself by a mere handkerchief and then complain that he is promoting nudity.